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How to show appreciation to your partner

The short answer from research: notice small things, say thank you often, and be specific about what your partner did and what it says about them. Everyday gratitude seems to work less like a grand gesture and more like a regular top-up for a relationship.

What the research found

Psychologist Sara Algoe at the University of North Carolina has studied gratitude between couples for over a decade. Her "find, remind and bind" theory suggests gratitude helps us notice good partners, reminds us why we value the one we have, and draws us closer together.

In a 2010 study of more than 65 couples in committed relationships, day-to-day changes in how satisfied and connected people felt were reliably linked to feelings of gratitude, with effects showing up even the next day. The researchers described everyday gratitude as a "booster shot" for relationships.
Later work looked at what makes a thank-you effective. The key ingredient was praising the partner: pointing out their good qualities and effort, not just how the favour helped you.

Five ways to show appreciation

Be specific. Name what they did, when, and what it shows about them. "Thank you for sorting the car insurance, you always take care of the boring stuff so I don't have to."
Praise them, not just the favour. "You're so thoughtful" carries more than "that saved me time".
Notice the invisible jobs. The bins, the bills, the birthday cards. Things that only get noticed when they don't happen.
Make it a habit, not an occasion. A small thank-you most days beats a big speech once a year.
Say it where they'll see it. In person is best, but a note they find later keeps working after you've left the room.

If you're out of practice

Start with one thing a day. If you're stuck, a prompt helps: *What did they do today that made life easier? What did I admire about them this week?* Our list of 50 things to appreciate about your partner is a good place to look.

How Swoon helps

Swoon asks you one question a day about appreciating each other. You answer privately, and you both see each other's answers once you've both replied. You can also send a note, a drawing, a photo or a voice note that appears on your partner's Home Screen or Lock Screen widget. It works for couples and for relationships of up to six people.

Sources

Coming soon to the App Store.